dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
