you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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