She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize