it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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