I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
and you fell through a lawn chair
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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