dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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