If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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