He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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