I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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