I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
