Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
