Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
We were destined to go to rehab together
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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