i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
