PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
