I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
