I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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