i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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