dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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