i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
