I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
