I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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