Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
