He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
