he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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