Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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