That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
