Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
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He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
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Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
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