You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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