Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
