She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
