So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
