he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
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I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
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Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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