So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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