He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
