Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
