God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
