Barsexuality is the new black.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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