i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
My pussy is not your playground.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
