so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
