So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
