Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
