12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
