i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
