She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize