Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
