He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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