So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
