I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Randomize