Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
