we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Blood and glitter go together right?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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