Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
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If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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