Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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