I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
