you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
