I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
