he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
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I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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