i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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